Teen Depression

By all accounts teen depression has risen in the last decade and the statistics are unbelievable. Reports show 20% of teens will experience depression before they are adults and 5% of teens will experience major depression. I know this subject, my son Eric was diagnosed with depression 4 months ago and has since went through intensive therapy and is now on medication. Before this he struggled with school and life in general. Actually struggled is a mild word. Eric failed school completely last year, not one grade above a D. Between school and the fact he started to run away I knew i had to do something. Thank goodness I did because I can say he has had a complete turn around. This year so far in school he has all A's and B's and is doing much better at home. Below are a list of signs that could suggest your child has depression and a lot of other useful information parents can find. I only wish I had this when he was struggling a year ago.

Signs of Teen Depression

Suicidal thoughts

Sleeping habits change

Crying often

Anger/Hostility

Agitation

No motivation

Cannot concentrate

Feeling of guilt or that they are not worth anything

Tired all the time

Sadness

Withdrawing from family and friends

Untreated depression in teens can lead to school problems, drug usage, violence, low self-esteem, eating disorders, running away from home, self-injury and suicide. If you think your teen may be battling depression or your teen has some of the signs above please contact a specialist or your family doctor. Not doing anything will only prolong the effects. Below are some links to help as well phone numbers.

http://parentingteens.about.com/library/sp/quiz/depression/blteen_depression_quiz.htm

Depression in Boys:

http://psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-20030806-000005.html

Depression in Girls:

http://psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-20030806-000003.html

http://www.boystown.org/hotline/

http://suicidehotlines.com/national.html

Self Mutilation: Warning Signs, Risk Factors and how to help teens cope.

These days self mutilation or "cutting" is prevalent in teenagers trying to cope with negative areas in their lives. It is difficult to see "warning signs" as teens often do it secretly and in places people wouldn't neccasarily see. I've tried to condense a lot of the information I have researched about this below so parents can be aware of the warnings signs their teen may be harming themselves, risk factors of teens who are prone to this behavior and coping skills to help them through it. Self harming oneself is often thought of as "cutting" but teens also harm themselves in other ways such as overdosing, poisoning and burning themselves. Also below I have included some different websites and such that can help if you know of a teen who is deliberately hurting themselves.

Teens at risk of "self harming":

* A teen who is being bullied.

* Depression

* Drug use in the family, alcohol or drugs.

* Parental neglect in the family.

* Physical, mental or sexual abuse.

* A mental illness.

Warning Signs your teen may be "self harming":

* Changes in sleeping habits.

* No interest in their favorite activities.

* They carry around drug or medical supplies.

* They always wear heavy clothing, long sleeves and pants even in the summer months.

* Behavior changes, mood changes.

* Cuts or bruises that cannot be explained.

* Keeping things hidden from their family, a specific area they keep locked.

* Withdrawn or changes in communication.

* Eating habits change.

* Carrying on them matches, lighters or knifes (sharp items)

Coping skills for teens who "self injure":

* Get them involved in church or youth groups.

* take a hot bath to relax.

* encourage them to listen to music.

* Yoga

* encourage them to let out their feelings, cry, scream.

* take up a hobby.

* journal

* encourage them to punch a bed or pillow instead of "self harm".

* take deep breaths

* encourage them to break the objects they use to harm themselves as a way of regaining control.

* try cooking

* draw, this can be very useful. Have them draw what or who makes them angry.

* take a walk.

* call someone they trust and can talk to: a friend, crisis line or counselor.

http://www.selfinjury.org/indexnet.html

http://self-injury.net/

National Youth Crisis Hot line: 1-800-448-4663

Self-Injury Hot line SAFE (Self Abuse Finally Ends) Alternatives Program: www.selfinjury.com1-800-DONT CUT (1-800-366-8288)

Teen Helpline: 1-800-400-0900

Interesting link to a study regarding Teens and protection!

Below is a link to a very interesting article regarding teens and a study that was just released about them not wanting to use protection for various reasons. Very interesting articles and an eye opener to those of us who are parents of teens. In a way it gives us insight into our childrens minds and what they are thinking. Now more than ever we should be really talking to our teens on a daily basis about sex and the decisions they make now could effect the rest of their lives.

http://www.newkerala.com/topstory-fullnews-21133.html

Good parenting tips!!!

I know a lot of parents outs their question whether they are a good parent or not. If judging by what your teens say is correct then you probably have a low opinion of your parenting skills. Keep in mind teens lash out and what better why then to tell you they hate you or you are a horrible parent, but it doesn't mean you are. Below are some tips on how to be a better parent. If you all ready practise them GREAT! But hey we can all use help and especially when we are raising teens!

1. Be consistent.... If you are not consistent them then they know they can get away with anything and nothing will be done.

2. It is hard to spend time with your teen, trust me I know this but it is important. Teenagers do not want to hang with their parents, it's not you it's just a fact but make sure you do spend time with them. Do something they are into, read together, take a walk or even cleaning the house. Spending a little time with them opens up conversation time for them with you.

3. Do not ever criticize the teen for his or her mistakes. Emphasis you do not like the behavior but don't ever say you don't like them. Even if it is in anger teens take this to heart.

4. Have rules and expect them to follow them. Keep your teen on a schedule. Include them if you make changes to the schedule.

5. Tell them as much as possible how proud you are of them. Even if it is just how the cleaned up well or did their homework. Not only does it show you care but it boosts their self-esteem.

6. Show your love.... With teens this is especially difficult as they are to "cool" to hug or kiss their parents. Sneak the hugs and kisses in. They may act like they hate it but it does show them you love them.

7. Listen when they talk. Not much else can be said but to listen and don't interrupt. Listening to your teen will go a long way when they have something very serious they need to speak to you about. They know you can be trusted to listen.

Keeping your Teens safe surfing the web...

Surfing the web has become the #1 activity for teenagers these days. In a day and age where MySpace, Facebook and Digg are the teens top priority keeping them safe from predators has become increasingly difficult. Now predators are not people we can see. They have the ability to speak to our children and in most cases we do not even know. I know many parents who say "I trust my child when they are on the computer". Predators have the uncanny ability to gain the child's trust. Just because your child is trustworthy does NOT mean someone cannot get them to do something they shouldn't do. I would rather be safe then sorry wouldn't you? Below is a list of things you can do as parents to keep your children safe.

1. Your computer should be a in common area. Children should never have their own computer in their room. Put it in the living where you or your spouse can monitor the usage.

2. If your child is acting sneaky or anytime you walk by they are minimizing the screen chances are they are hiding something. Don't hesitate to get on and find out what they are up to.

3. Know who your teens are talking to. Monitor their instant messaging and who is emailing your children.

4. If your child has MySpace (you may not even know they do) be sure to check it. Only allow actual "friends they know" on their page. Encourage them to NOT add people they do not know on their page. Keep their user name and password handy so you can get on to check. Eric knows part of letting him have a MySpace page is that I always have the user name and password. Create a MySpace page yourself so you can monitor your child from that as well.

5. Get a firewall that can prevent them from going on sites that they shouldn't.

6. Find out if your Internet provider has parental locks and use them age appropriately.

7. Take a class if you are not up to date on computer workings to find out how to check the history of the computer. On every computer you can check to see what sites have been visited even if your teen is smart enough to delete them.

8. Do not allow your child to be on the computer when you are gone or sleeping.

9. Talk to you children about what information they can and cannot give out. Children do not understand how little of information a predator needs to find a child. Encourage them to not give out where they live, their school or their last name.

10. Encourage your teen to come to you if something that someone from online says makes them uncomfortable or doesn't seem right..

11. Strongly encourage them to NEVER meet anyone they do not know off the web.

The Value of Teen Volunteering

I have always encouraged Eric to volunteer in the community and he has been really great about wanting to do it. Eric currently volunteers at a local Animal Shelter (no-kill), at our church in the nursery and for the National Kidney Foundation.

Volunteering is a very rewarding experience and if your teen has an hour or two a week I would strongly encourage them to give it a try. There are many avenues in which to volunteer and below I will give some suggestions. Volunteering builds good character, teaches compassion, keeps teens from the dreaded "boredom", strong community commitment and it looks great on a college resume. A lot of employers also like the look of it on a resume and now a days a lot of high schools are requiring it for graduation. Below are some example or suggestions of places your teen could volunteer to help out at. Below is a link as well to help find a perfect volunteer opportunity fot your teen!

http://www.volunteermatch.org/

1. Libraries

2. Habitat for Humanity

3. Food Banks

4. Salvation Army

5. Special Olympics

6. Animal Shelters

7. Political Campaigns

8. Homeless Shelters

9. State Parks

10. Red Cross

11. Helping others Learn How to Read

12. United Way

13. Ronald McDonald House

14. Hospitals

15. Senior Citizens Centers

16. Church

If you are like me getting your teenagers to read anything is a struggle in itself. I have been researching different websites for information on the best books for teenagers and I am listing them below for other parents to go to. Maybe these will help you guys get your teens reading....

http://www.teenreads.com/

http://www.ala.org/ala/yalsa/booklistsawards/greatgraphicnovelsforteens/gn.cfm

http://www.answerpoint.org/teachers_place/high/reading_resources.asp

http://www.commonsensemedia.org/book-lists/Gift-List-Books-for.html

Tips for a better relationship between step-parents and step children

Below are some steps you can take if you have step children in your home. This can be a very difficult and scary transition for both the step parent and the child.

1. One of the worse things a step parent can do is treat their biological children "better" then the step children. Be sure to be consistent with both your child and your significant others child. Do not "brag" about the fun activities you and your child did while the step child is away. Hard feelings play a HUGE role in a relationship between step parent and step child.

2. In the beginning of the relationship be sure to sit down with the step children and let them know you have no intention of replacing their other parent. If they overstep on rules tell them you are the adult in charge and you expect them to follow the rules of the house. Of course it is always best to have the biological parent reprimand the child but let's face it they cannot be there all the time.

3. Do not come into the marriage or relationship expecting the children to instantly like you. It takes work and a lot of patience.

4. A big no no is never ever bad mouth about the other parent. I cannot say this enough. I know the other biological parent is not always liked but be sure to speak about them when the child is not around and is in no danger to over hear.

5. Plan fun activities and family outings as a "step family". This will help both the children and you bond.

6. Both the step parent and the biological parent need to agree and agree on punishment. If you do not agree do not argue or call each other in front of the children.

7. Make individual time for each child each week. even if it is just watching a movie together or going for a walk.

8. Remember some things are just not worth fighting over and you must choose your battles. Let small things go if it means peace in the house.

9. Your marriage is also important so make sure you both are working on it.

Preventing Teen Drug Use-

Here are some things you can do to "lower" the risk of your son or daughter using drugs:

1. Spend time together as a family. Get your teen involved in planning the outing you do as a family and eat as a family. There are numerous studies that show that teens who eat together with their family are much more less likely to abuse drugs.

2. This is one topic the old saying " do as I say NOT as I do" will not come in handy. If you expect your ten to not use drugs then do not use them yourself and if you drink do so responsibly. Teens need GOOD role models and that starts with you.

3. Teenagers that become bored are more likely to use drugs. Get your son or daughter involved in sports, church groups, after school activities or volunteering.

4. Parents who talk to their teens about drugs are less likely to have a child that uses them. If you see something on TV regarding drugs use it to talk about it to your child.

5. Do not "freak" out when you teen comes to talk to you about drugs or maybe their friends use them. Your child is coming to you to talk and if they thing you will just freak out they won't come to you again.

6. Be the parent that will pick your child up in the middle of the night if they are at a party and they call and tell you there is drugs and alcohol. Let them know that no matter what you would pick them up anytime to get them out of a bad situation.

7. Let's face it most parents work nowadays. Obviously if you have a teen daycare is not an option after a certain age. If your child is home alone while you are out call them often, have someone else check up on them or take them some where they will be supervised. Again bored children will look for other avenues to amuse them.

8. One of the most important things is GET TO KNOW YOUR TEENS FRIENDS AND THEIR PARENTS. Know where your child is at all times and don't hesitate to call the friends parents to make sure there is an adult present over at their friends or to find out if they are where they say they are.

Here is a useful website that has some interesting facts regarding teen drug use. Don't ever think your child is "safe" and wouldn't touch the stuff. All children are at risk. It is up to the parents to get involved and help them to stay strong!

http://www.dosomething.org/tipsandtools/11-shocking-facts-about-teens-and-drug-use

Homework Tips for Teens with ADHD/ADD

Here are some useful tips for parents who have teens with ADD/ADHD.

1. Have your child get phone numbers and names of classmates in your area in case they forget their assignments or have questions about the homework in general.

2. Have your child tackle the most difficult homework assignment first. If left until the last to be done your child could stretch out the other work he or she has in order to prolong the assignment.

3. Have your child keep a planner. This shouldn't be too difficult as most schools now provide them. Make sure your child is keepingit up to date so they do not have to rely on their memory.

4. Make sure your child has a neat and organized space in which to do their homework. Stock it with all the supplies they may need; pencils, paper and books.

5. Make sure your child keep a organized backpack. Empty old homework and assignments out of their folder on a daily basis.

6. If they have a rather long involved project to complete have them do it a little at a time and not all at once at the last minute. This will overwelm them. I have a schedule for Eric to follow when he has big projects so he can check off one by one what he has completed.

7. It is better for your child to take breaks for every 30-45 mins they do. Make them short breaks and I wouldn't suggest "television breaks".

8. Flash cards are a great tool for teens with ADHD/ADD. You can utilize them in almost any subject.

Technorati Profile

Great link for moms and dads in the military

I know so many of us have loved ones who are in the miltary and overseas. I can imagine the effect this has on children of those who choose to protect our country. While searching the web I found this great link all about how you can support those children who may have 1 or maybe both of their parent deployed overseas. It is written by a doctor at Brooke Army Medical Center. I hope this can help some people facing this issue..

http://www.cfs.purdue.edu/mfri/pages/military/Supporting_Children_of_Deployed_Parents.pdf

Back to School Tips

Back to school for teenagers or really any child can be a chaotic time for your children. Here are some tips I have put together to help them make it through the day:

1. Studies show that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Students perform better in class and are more observant when they eat a healthy breakfast. Below I have listed suggestions for breakfast which should include fiber and protein. Teenagers especially have a difficult time eating breakfast; they just do not have time or do not want to eat but it is important to encourage them to grab something.

****Breakfast Ideas****

* Microwave a frozen pancake, spread with peanut butter, top with sliced bananas, and roll it up.

* Concoct a breakfast parfait with layers of fruit yogurt, sliced fresh fruit, and crunchy cereal.

* Swirl applesauce and raisins into a packet of hot oatmeal. Serve with a cup of milk

* Combine in blender until frothy: 1/2 cup lemon yogurt, 1/2 cup milk, a dash of vanilla extract, and two ice cubes. Complement with a slice of whole grain toast

* Container of yogurt, half a bagel, and fruit juice

* Split a bagel. Layer each half with peanut butter and raisins. Bring along a carton of milk

* Oatmeal with chopped nuts and raisins, a sliced banana, or strawberries

* Eggs-fried, scrambled, poached, or hard-boiled with whole grain toast

2. All children need "enough" sleep. Studies show that teenagers need 8 1/2 hours of sleep each night in order to reach their full potential. Lack of sleep can lead to falling asleep in class and can effect their concentreation.

3. I encourage Eric, my son to "do what he can as far as homework or studying in school" so he has less to do when he gets home from school. Kids need down time! If they are working in sschool or studying for that big exam and then come home and have to do more work they are not getting "down time". This will lead to your children "burning out".

4. Encourage your child to join school clubs, sports and after school activities. This will help your children feel like they are part of something and also help them make friends.

Effective Disipline of Teenagers

What is the best way to discipline a stubborn teen? Below are some parent- tested tips to get you started.....

1. Make sure you sit down with your teen and clearly spell out what behavior is acceptable and what isn't, talk about your household rules and your child's limitations.

2. Be sure to make a BIG deal out of the positives. Don't are not as good as Do's. Be careful of using too many don'ts.

3. Give your teenagers more responsibility when he or she makes good decisions. Teenagers build self-confidence by making their own decisions. Be sure to let them make their own. If they fail then treat it as a lesson learned.

4. The number 1 thing to remember is to ALWAYS be consistent and follow through. If you tell your child his curfew is 11pm and he comes home at 11:30pm follow through on the discipline discussed. If there are circumstances that couldn't be helped then you can give a little but if you are not consistent they will think they can get away with coming in late each night and nothing will be done. By the time you realize this it may be too late.

5. Try not to get angry when disciplining your children. I know it may be difficult but it is best not to. If you are lashing out at your child it will put them on guard and you will both end up in a screaming match which will not help the situation. Speak to them calmly. If you cannot do that right away take a few moments to calm yourself down and then re-visit the "talk".

6. Never criticize the child only the "bad choice" he or she made.

7. Realize that discipline is a life-long gift of love. It will help your teen to achieve, to get along with others and to grow in his/her capacity to have mature and intimate relationships. Be aware that discipline teaches your child boundaries and will help them in every aspect of their lives, from achievement to friendships to relationships..

There ARE some benefits of children in single family homes.....

Teens in single-parent homes can learn to help with household chores and care for younger siblings, which helps them develop maturity quicker than those families that have two parents who do everything for them. My son Eric is very responsible for the most part. In the summer when he is home while I work he has a list of 4-5 chores he needs to get done before he goes anywhere with friends. When school starts back up he has his chore list on the weekends. Children learn quickly to be self-reliant, solve problems, and accept responsibility for their actions, as well as life is not always fair and to make the best of the situation. Children can also benefit by sometimes having the best of both worlds; time with each of their parents seperately, which is something they may not get in a two-parent family where the parents may get so caught up with making a living that they forget to make time for a family life.

Show your child you LOVE them....

It is extremely important to show your children that you love them every day even though they may act like it doesn't matter to them. One of the things I do to show my love for my son is to hide a note in his backpack, lunch or in his homework folder for him to find when he gets to school. I have even been known to put it in his cell phone calendar so when he is away from me a reminder will pop up telling him " Remember I love You". This is a nice surprise especially if he is having difficulties in a subject and a note saying "You are doing a great job." or "I know you can do it" will provide much needed encouragement. You can NEVER tell your child too many times that you love them or support them.